Reading about The Beautiful Game Pt. 1

To watch, or not to watch The 2022 World Cup. THAT is that is the question.

Whether ‘tis nobler to ignore the monthlong competition born of corrupt, inhumane circumstances that brought about this unnatural (a World Cup in November?!) event or watch and feel icky…

Am I doing too much? Probably, but football or soccer tends to bring that out in me. My first taste of soccer was when I “played” on a team as a kid. I was bad, as most kids are at sports that require strategy and skill, more concerned with picking grass and daydreaming.

It wasn’t until I got to college at the University of Oklahoma of all places and became friends with the international students and students from different backgrounds that I began learning about the rich history of this sport.

J/k, I fell in love with this handsome man and his beautiful game, and the team, Arsenal FC, “by far, the greatest team, the world has ever seen.” When he decamped for Barcelona (2007 :( ) I decided I had two teams and never looked back. COYG and Visca Barça!

I can mark pivotal moments in my life based on big things that happened during World Cup years:

2006. Germany. This World Cup marked the first time I ever cursed in front of my religious, Southern parents. In my defense, I had never seen anything as wild as a grown man HEADBUTTING another grown man. What would compel a grown man to react in that way?

“As they left the penalty area, Materazzi claims Zidane said: “If you want my shirt, you can have it after the game.” But Materazzi already had a Zidane jersey...“[He] replied that [he’d] rather have [Zizou’s] sister,” Materazzi revealed. He thought nothing of it. To him it was the kind of trash-talk you heard in the schoolyard or, in an Italian context, at the oratory. A throwaway line. But it hit a nerve with Zidane. ”

— The Athletic

You had to be there.

• 2010. South Africa. The universe descended on South Africa and had a chance to revel in the new “Rainbow Nation”. The world, nay, the galaxy was introduced to vuvuzelas and the game was never the same. This 99% Invisible episode talks about the vuvuzela and it place in South Africa’s football culture.

• 2014. Brazil. This was the summer I bonded with my now spouse by watching all of the U.S. Men’s National Team (USMNT) matches in Washington, D.C. one of the best U.S. cities to participate in soccer culture. I also had the best colleagues who let me scam my way into co-writing an essay about higher education attainment globally. The semi-final was hilarious (to me) because Germany beat the brakes off Brazil (long recognized as a football powerhouse) 7-1. Hate to see it.

  This World Cup faced a lot of deserved criticism for the way that it harmed Brazilians and didn’t garner the economic successes that municipalities always promise cities, states, and nations that host huge sporting matches. This article from the World Economic Forum disputes the wisdom of ever ever ever hosting an Olympics or World Cup. The tl;dr: “Don’t do it. Reconsider, read some literature on the subject.

• 2018. Russia. Senegal, my African équipe of chose stole hearts because of how dapper their coach Aliou Cissé was and is and the excellent quality of play from the best African team.

  France, my adopted team, won its second star. The young king Kylian Mbappe dazzled the world and proclaimed he had next and now. Black Twitter called Les Bleus an African team and the French scoffed. Look, Black Panther had come out earlier that year Annnnnnd France’s team was hella Black. would have thought that I had personally won with how I celebrated.

Which brings us to 2022. Qatar. I’ll get to that mess in Part 2.

In the meantime, these are three of my favorite books on soccer.

1) Soccernomics: Why European Men and American Women Win and Billionaire Owners are Destined to Lose x Stefan Szymanski is such a nerdy, fun book that answers questions that casual observers and new fans might have and that longtime watchers have always pondered. I read the first iteration in 2009 and the 2022 version updates some of their previous predictions and touches on the mess world football finds itself in now. It’s a must-read and also a great gift.

2) Soccer in Sun and Shadow x Eduardo Galeano. The prose in this is so, so lovely. Galeano elevates the sport through his prose and the literary lens he turns on it and the characters. He really shows the depth of the beautiful game and why it entrances billions of people around the globe week in and week out and especially every 4 years during the World Cup. Analysis of this new era of the game and especially this World Cup are diminished because he’s no longer here.

3) Fever Pitch x Nick Hornby. Essential reading for Arsenal fans or Gooners. It’s a book that makes me feel less absurd for waking up at 4:00 am to watch 11 young adults run back and forth for 90 minutes and provides a glimpse of English soccer right before the new era of global football.

Reading about The Beautiful Game Pt. 2

3 of my favorite kits: Clockwise: Senegal, U.S.A., and France.

To watch, or not to watch The 2022 World Cup. THAT is the question.

Whether ‘tis nobler to ignore the monthlong competition born of corrupt, inhumane circumstances that brought about this unnatural (a World Cup in November?!) event or watch and feel icky…

2022. Qatar. What an unmitigated mess. The World Cup in Qatar begins this Sunday and I can’t get into the spirit.

To begin with, FIFA, the Fédération Internationale de Football Association, is a dirty, corrupt organization that rules world football. Russia (2018) and Qatar (2022) bribed FIFA officials to secure their way into being host countries. Russia faced some criticism about its illegal, immoral interference in Syria, incursions into other sovereign states, anti-LGBTQIA policies, and more. The World Cup in Qatar is garnering even more deserved criticism for 1) bribing FIFA officials to become a host country. 2) lying about its ability to host a safe tournament during the World Cup’s natural season of summer (thus messing up club schedules, and exacerbating players’ injuries), 3) exploiting workers to build the necessary infrastructure to welcome the world resulting in 4) unnecessary, inhumane workers’ deaths oh and on top of that 5) arresting and harassing LGTBQIA people.

It’s hard for me to feel celebratory after all of that. And I wish I did. I truly love soccer and the World Cup, but I’ve had a really hard time figuring out what to do about these negative feelings. I can’t unknow the truth of human beings dying for entertainment, so instead, I’ve been revisiting my favorite football books and reading articles from authors who are shining a light on the context of this World Cup.

Recommended Reading & Listening

“Every football fan will have their own different emotional connection with the World Cup, but the one thing that I believe that it offers all of us is escapism: where, for one whole month, we are able to distract ourselves from many of the planet’s problems by immersing ourselves in its supreme drama. This time around, though, the World Cup offers no escape: the global woe is to be found in Qatar itself.”- Musa Okwonga

• Why this World Cup feels so wrong x Musa Okwonga. I’d listen or read Musa talk about any subject and he’s especially good at discussing the toughest subjects. A must-read.

• The World Cup’s Forgotten Team x Tariq Panja and Bhadra Sharma. Focuses on Nepalese workers and their communities affected by workers’ deaths.

• Qatar World Cup of Shame x Amnesty International

• World Corrupt x Tommy Vietor (Obama Administration, Crooked Media) and Roger Bennett (Men in Blazers soccer media) take a look at sportswashing and what happens when soccer and politics mix.

• World Cup 2022 Preview x Stadio (Musa Okwonga and Ryan Hunn). They spend about the first 20 minutes talking their feelings about this year’s tournament, the many issues surrounding it, and why this feels like a pivotal moment in global football’s history. A must-listen.

• FIFA and the World Cup: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) and FIFA Pt. 2

Want to take Action?

• Consider supporting Alwan Foundation, a project of The Center for Immigrant Protection/The LGBT Asylum Project. The Alwan Foundation hopes to advance LGBTQ+ rights in the Middle East with a focus on the Gulf region and was created by Dr. Nas Mohamed is the first Qatari to come out as gay publicly and is seeking asylum.

• FIFA is under pressure to set aside $440 million for these workers - the same amount that will be awarded to the competing teams. Lend your voice, through a petition, to try to pressure FIFA to compensate the deceased workers’ families.

Whether you choose to watch or try your best to ignore this spectacle, I think it’s important to understand the context of why this World Cup is different and diminished.

Friends. How Many Of Us Have Them?

I really enjoyed this book!

Bilquis, Jenna, and Malak are three Muslim British girls growing up together and navigating the messiness of life and faith. The trio is wrapping up their last year at university and trying to delay the inevitable life changes that will greet them as “real adults”. At university, they exist in a happy bubble together where they can hold onto both their faith and their desire to live life on their own terms. Romantic relationships that their family and faith community would frown upon are safe in this bubble. Being their authentic selves is safe in this bubble.

What happens when the bubble pops?

What if they are the ones who accidentally pop it?

“It’s funny, the things you do when the women in your life are suddenly absent.”

— Salma El-Wardany, These Impossible Things: A Novel

Phew! This book got me out of a reading rut. The plot is engaging and grounds you firmly in its locales. The dialogue is authentic, yet written in lovely prose. The characters? They remind me of girls and friendships I hold and have held dear over the years and sadly of some that have faded away. Additionally, I really appreciated the complex, full picture of both the strength and constraints that can come from faith and family.

It’s not perfect, but it doesn’t need to be. I want more stories about Black and Brown girls and their sometimes messy lives and more stories that show how people can live with their faith (need to endorse Red Lip Theology: For Church Girls Who've Considered Tithing to the Beauty Supply Store When Sunday Morning Isn't Enough x Candice Marie Benbow).

This book is a great choice for a book club read or to send to one of your friends to let them know you’re thinking about them.*

“Girl” x Destiny’s Child

“Girl, you don't have to be hiding, don't you be ashamed to say he hurt you
I'm your girl, you're my girl, we your girls
Don't you know that we love you”

I couldn’t help but think about “Girl” the iconic song and music video from Destiny’s Child.

Related, recommend books for this These Impossible Things:

• Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close x Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman

• Brown Girls x Daphne Palasi Andreades 

• Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship x Kayleen Schaefer

*Content Warning: Please note, the characters in this book do experience intimate partner violence and sexual assault.

Will the real [Séra] please stand up?

To say I enjoyed The Eternal Audience of One x Rémy Ngamije would be an understatement.

It’s a beautiful coming-of-age story about Séraphin or Séra who is That Guy. He’s got the looks, wit, and swagger that attracts everyone to him: the epitome of Black cool, but like everyone he contains multitudes. He’s on the precipice of real adulthood, trying to figure out what to do after uni in South Africa and struggling with his duty to his family and his immigrant community, his presumed duty to a sort of friend, the young women he woos, and himself.

When he leaves uni for break, he’s back in his close-knit Rwandan immigrant community in Namibia and missing his large, diverse group of friends from throughout Africa who tolerate and instigate his bravado and feed off of his shenanigans. The group is but one of his many audiences.

T

hroughout The Eternal Audience of One I couldn’t help but think of this quote from RuPaul, “We’re all born naked and the rest is drag.” Séra is always performing either as dutiful son, smug older brother, easy lover, class clown, creative, or any other dozen of roles. I kept reflecting on my own performances that help me navigate the world a little easier as a Black American woman. Rémy (we’re not on a first-name basis, but I feel like we’re Francophone cousins) does a really beautiful job sharing Séra’s interior life-something that young Black men don’t always get to see in popular culture-and exposing the vulnerability behind the necessary (?) cool wall. As an added bonus, I loved the moment's when Séra was surprised by other characters dropping their cool and letting him in.

I regret not buying this book because there were so many beautiful sentences that illuminated common feelings in an uncommon way. Take this bar for example:

“You look good too. The “good” was stretched out, like a too-small scoop of peanut butter on a too-large slice of bread.”

— Rémy Ngamije "The Eternal Audience of One"

These characters are funny and charming and frustrating and very much so alive. I cannot wait to buy and read what Rémy does next.

Recommended Books that Complement The Eternal Audience of One

• Black Cool: One Thousand Streams of Blackness x Rebecca Walker

• Heavy x Kiese Laymon

• This is How You Lose Her x Junot Díaz

Dry January Recs: Updated

Happy (or at a minimum) New Year!

For a lot of people, January 1st signals an opportunity to make resolutions they believe will make them better versions of themselves. These resolutions often center around health and wellness and can be a good opportunity to integrate new habits or choices into our lifestyles. For the past several years Dry January has been one of those trendy resolutions that provide an opportunity to reset after an indulgent holiday season.

Dry January was started in 2012 by Alcohol Change UK, a British nonprofit organization to “ditch the hangover, reduce the waistline and save some serious money by giving up alcohol for 31 days.”

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that I like the way I feel when I don’t drink alcohol compared to other items I could imbibe or eat. When I discovered this fact about myself in 2020, I canceled my wine subscription (but still strongly endorse Brown Estate Napa Valley!) and started reading and exploring options for when I didn’t just want to drink water.

As an FYI, I don’t use the term sober or sober curious, because I’m very pro-cannabis use and some alcohol-free alternatives actually incorporate cannabis into their recipes. Fortunately, the beverage industry has caught up with this emerging mindset for a lot of people. In June 2019, The Washington Post reported that Millennials were leading the way in a “sober” revolution and now just a a few years later, bars and experiences centering nonalcoholic offerings are spreading throughout the West. I’m fortunate enough to be able to bike to this special place with my husband and it’s thanks to Josh, the owner, that I learned about many of the brands featured in this photo.

Throughout 2021 and 2022 it’s been really cool seeing a variety of grocery stores, restaurants, and bars provide interesting non-alcoholic options. It’s great having options when and for whatever reason, I don’t want to drink alcohol.

If you’re embarking on Dry January or a season of alcohol-free living, here are some suggestions:

Boire: (Updated 1.1.23)

• Prima Pavé and Lautus are both excellent rosés!

• If you like beer, Athletic Brewing Company is it. My husband and I became members earlier this year and it’s great to know we’ll always have alcohol-free beers (that don’t just taste like watered down beer) on deck. My husband’s even started introducing his friends to them to acclaim. The Free Wave Hazy IPA and Upside Dawn are our standard shipments.

• Surely Non-Alcoholic Sparkling Rosé is that girl! I’ve brought this to book club and people are shocked to know it’s alcohol-free. As my friend circle morphs into mothers-to-be and as I choose to drink alcohol rarely, this will definitely stay in the rotation.

• Martini & Rossi has a line of non-alcoholic aperitivo drinks that are great alone or mixed with tonic or sparkling water,

• NOPE beverages are non-alcoholic cocktails and their Mango Margarita with Jalapeno is extremely my shit.

• Lyre’s Italian Orange non-alcoholic spirit with sparkling water is just refreshingly delightful.

Read:

• The Dry Challenge: How to Lose the Booze for Dry January, Sober October, and Any Other Alcohol-Free Month x Hilary Sheinbaum

• Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture x Holly Whitaker(the first book I read about choosing to be alcohol-free)

• Good Drinks: Alcohol-Free Recipes for When You're Not Drinking for Whatever Reason. by Julia Bainbridge-I came across this cookbook when I was doing a cookbook/recipe challenge in 2020. The recipes in this cookbook celebrate the creativity that can happen when you’re going alcohol-free. The Salted Rosemary Paloma is heavenly and in fact, I might make another one right now.

Do/Experience: (Updated 1.1.23)

• Visit Ocean Beach Cafe the next time you’re in the Bay. Super pleasant to take an alcohol-free beverage and watch the sunset go down over the Pacific.

• Visit Boisson in NYC or San Francisco! I didn’t get to make it here on my last trip to New York, but I love that they have 5 locations throughout the city and they have a bunch of gift bundles for those looking to jump into that non-alcoholic life or month. As of late 2022, they have a beautiful new location in San Francisco. If you’re looking to try a non alcoholic beverage, you can use this link for a discount.

Bonne année, Bonne santé!

2021.

Miss Minutes, from “Loki”

1)  Finish my novel manuscript. I started work on a novel in late November 2019, worked on it within my writing gang, but also lost my way/interest. I want to finish it this year. Inshallah.

Will it be finished by 12/31/21? No.

Have I made progress on this WIP? Yes, verrrrrrry slow, very minimal progress.

I am proud that I wrote a children’s book inspired by my nephew. We’ll see if it goes anywhere.

2) Submit at least 12 pieces for publication in 2021. There was a time in my life when I was shooting my shot more and I want to return to that. I submitted two pieces the last week of December 2020 because I want to keep that same energy for this year.

I’ve submitted 2 /12 pieces (your girl is 0 for 2, but we move) this year BUT I also submitted an application to  Voices of Our Nations Arts Foundation - VONA/Voices 2021 Summer Workshop and was accepted! I’m super thankful and really excited to participate in this writing workshop (my 2nd!) and proud of myself for shooting my shot!

In addition to VONA, I applied to and had the opportunity to join a Black Writers Program workshop through the NY Writers Coalition. The workshop, “Creating Community” led by Idrissa Simmonds was a deeply affirming space and time to co-create a beautiful writing experience. I learned a lot about myself as a writer and was inspired to do more.

Finally, I also applied for a We Need Diverse Books’ Mentorship Program using my children’s book draft. On verra. We’ll see. In January 2022.

3) Return my library books in a more timely manner. It’s hard because my (talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular…) library system did away with late fees (which is a great step to address inequity), but I’m actually someone who needs the deadline to get my life together.

I’m going to call this a W. Now that my friendly neighborhood branch is open again (not quite back to pre-pandemic levels) and I don’t have to schlep to the Main branch to return items, I’ve been able to turn in my library books in a more timely manner. Let’s not think about how low the bar was before. K? Thanks.

Please clap gif.

4) Continue checking in with my writing gang. Needs no elaboration, but I love these women. Consistently checking in with them last year was such a blessing and often provided the encouragement I needed to make progress on my projects.

As  I mentioned in my last check-in, I mentioned that my OG writing crew (comprised of two super supportive ladies from my bookclub) hadn’t met as frequently, however new writing gangs have appeared when I needed them this year. I was able to feel writing community with my ghost-VONA peers. I also started prioritizing my writing by joining morning writing sessions by A Very Important Meeting-an opportunity to meditate for 15 minutes and then write for 45 minutes straight. It’s been really nice to know that at a minimum (if I wake up in time and don’t mess about on my phone) I can count on 45 minutes of writing progress. I also reconnected with a former colleague over our writing which was nice, so I’m finding a way to build with other writers.

I mentioned the Black Writers Program workshop through the NY Writers Coalition. I fell in love with the people who graced the Zoom room each week and I also got to explore myself more as a short fiction writer and even signed up to read one of my pieces for the first time. I was blessed that my husband and my Flossy Posse joined the reading, as well as, the ladies from my original writing group.

5) ??? One thing I’m learning is to leave room for unexpected good things that might happen. Last year, I had the opportunity to participate in a conference for writers of color which I didn’t even know existed at the beginning of 2021. So I’m leaving room for a serendipitous 5th bookish goal.

So much was lagniappe this year. The ghost VONA class. The Black Writer’s workshop. These earrings I bought to celebrate myself recommitting to writing.

What bookish determinations shall I make for 2022? On verra. We’ll see.

“These are a few of my favorite [books]”

No one:…

Absolutely no one:…

Crickets.

Me: Let me recommend you some books!

2021 was a good reading year for me. I read stuff I liked, stopped reading stuff that didn’t resonate with me, and read in some of my favorite genres.

Whether you’re buying books for yourself (You Deserve!) for people on your gift list (lucky for them!), or just looking for books to check out from the library, I’ve got thoughts and recommendations.

Oh, let’s do it.

For you or the women, gender expansive folk in your life:

• Dear Senthuran x Akwaeke Emezi. The most spiritually important book I read this year.

For Black women and girls:

On Girlhood: 15 Stories from the Well-Read Black Girl Library: x Glory Edim.

For Black People and/or people who loved High On the Hog:

• Black Food: Stories, Arts, and Essays x Bryant Terry.

For the cool tween or teen in your life:

• Nubia and the Amazons. Comic books are books, ya dig? I’m committing to this series.

For your best friend who likes thrillers and mess:

• Bath Haus x P.J. Vernon. This book was a trip and a treat!

For your friend who is still hype from watching The Harder They Fall, but wants a little more romance:

• Wild Rain x Beverly Jenkins. This romance was HOT! A wild rancher woman in Wyoming meets a big city lawyer from back East? Yes.

• Rebel x Beverly Jenkins. Again, hot! But set during the beginning of Reconstruction. Listen to Code Switch’s episode on the Romance Queen.

For the friend who loved Passing and wants more historical fiction by Black women:

• The Living is Easy x Dorothy West. The protagonist in this story is just as striving and scheming as our girl Clare.

For the romantic in your life or the romance lover:

• Seven Days in June x Tia Williams. Can’t say enough good things about this book. Believe the hype.

• Get a Life, Chloe Brown x Talia Hibbert. I finally get the hype of these books. It was super cute!

For the poetry lover or explorer in your life:

• Preparing My Daughter for Rain x Key Ballah-this poetry collection was a surprise hit in my book club and I really appreciated the discussions it spurned.

• Black Girl, Call Home x Jasmine Mans.

For the person who has spent the past months learning about cults or MLMs:

• Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism x Amanda Montell. This was fascinating, enlightening, and disconcerting. The author does a great job differentiating between cults and cult-y activities and it might have you side-eying a few of your activities or friends…

For the history buffs in in your life:

• Tomorrow They Won’t Dare to Murder Us x Joseph Andras

• On Juneteenth x Annette Gordon-Reed

• Ethel Rosenberg: An American Tragedy x Anne Sebba-if you learned about the Rosenbergs in your history class and want to learn more about the tragic miscarriage of justice, this is a must-read.

For the person who is in a rut:

• Beginners x Tom Vanderbilt.

For the music lovers in your life:

• Hip-Hop (And Other Things) x Shea Serrano-shout out to the FOH army. Shea is one of my favorite writers.

• Music is History x ?uestlove-?Questlove is the best at so many things, including being a history teacher. Give the gift of his encyclopedic musical knowledge.

These are my recommendations…

A Late Summer Update

I’m writing this blog post a month nearly two months after mourning the demise of my would-be VONA experience. I wrote that post without knowing that my instructor, Faith Adiele would decide to turn lemons into mangos (my favorite and arguably the best fruit) by curating an experience for those of us in the VONA ghost class. I can’t say enough how grateful I’ll always be that she did.

I got to meet my fellow writers for five beautiful mornings to invest in ourselves and focus on the present and futures of our writing. After nearly a year and a half of mandatory Zooms for work, optional, but what else were you going to do, Zooms for happy hours, birthdays, and other occasions I was worried for a split second that this Zoom might feel draining. The first morning dispelled that silly fear when after just a few minutes we decided to do the damn thing and be present.

I woke up each morning excited to spend time with my fellow writers, proud of myself that I was honoring myself in this way, and grateful to Faith for her perseverance and to my fellow writers for their magnanimity and the gifts of their words and participation.

Through this unique workshop experience, I observed and experienced what being a good literary citizen looks like. It looks like Faith gifting us with an experience to participate in a dream turned reality for many of us despite the negativity that necessitated it.

I experienced it from Faith’s friend Lolá Ákínmádé Åkerström who gave us all the tea and wisdom on how she approaches storytelling and narrative broadening. Her debut novel “In Every Mirror She’s Black” is out on September 7th. I preordered while she was talking to her class and Bookshop delivered it last week! I can’t wait to dig in.

I observed it again from Bani Amor’s willingness to also teach a lesson and then when life changed those plans, followed up to reschedule with our cohort and also generously shared their time. Check out their upcoming Decolonizing Travel Culture at Atlas Obscura.

This experience has once again reminded me that when institutions fail us, we have to rely on individuals and specifically the trust and love that we cultivate with these individuals. After this experience I keep trying to ask myself, how do I show up for my growing writer community and how can I keep showing up for myself?

I haven’t made as much progress on my bookish resolutions (a post for another day), but I’m proud and more importantly thankful for the moments where my intention has been rewarded.

Here’s to prioritizing more experiences that bring me closer to my dreams.

VONA, Verzuz, et Vous

What happens to a dream realized, then jeopardized, then deferred?

This is not rhetorical. I’d love to know.

I was deeply grateful and proud of myself when I was accepted into the 2021 VONA/Voices Summer workshop.

VONA
VONA is not an organization I was super familiar with before applying to the workshop, except for a fleeting knowledge that Junot Díaz co-founded it and had to sever ties because of multiple sexual misconduct allegations. Knowing that the organization made the right call in that instance AND seeing the quality of the teachers like Kiese the Great and Maurice Carlos Ruffin whose work and social media accounts I follow and learning about writers like Faith Adiele who I newly admire, I felt like acceptance into the program was a longshot.

Nevertheless, I shot my shot and couldn’t really believe that I was accepted. This doubt has a lot to do with me trying to claim my identity as a writer and knowing that I don’t take my practice as seriously as I should or could. Being accepted to participate in this community of writers of color felt like an affirmation from the universe that I was good enough, or at least worthy of the pursuit of good enough. 

The dissolution of this summer’s program hurt me in a way I’m still processing and I feel selfish for feeling this way knowing that people more deeply involved and invested in VONA are hurting much more than I am.

“The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.”

— James Baldwin

In listening to people who are more familiar and knowledgeable about VONA, I heard hurt and disappointment in what had transpired and how. It was evident that what makes VONA special is its heart and centering of writers of color and community members took that expectation and high standard to heart. This investment and belief in what VONA could and should be has resulted in some of the faculty and board calling VONA in and asking for accountability and ultimately in my dream of participating in the workshop being deferred, at least for now.

Verzuz

This situation has overlapped with the latest Verzuz battle that pit Soulja Boy (Tell ‘Em) against Lil Bow Wow. I didn’t learn until recently that both of these artists (and I’m playing fast and loose using that term for one of these people) are facing multiple sexual assault and violence allegations. Davis Dennis Jr. wrote powerfully for The Undefeated about how a project meant to celebrate Black joy should hold itself to a higher standard and not needlessly provide abusers with platforms. So true. It inevitably hits different when organizations and institutions we believe care about us let us down.

Vous “[vu] pronom personnel (2e personne pluriel)” or Y’all in English.

What do institutions that claim to center people of color owe us?

What do we, as community members, owe those institutions?

I’m sure these are questions that I’ll keep revisiting for the rest of my life and I hope that I’ll continue to revise my answers so that I can be a better person and community member.

I trust that eventually I’ll be grateful for observing an organization I’d like to be in relationship with grapple with revising itself.

For now, though, it sucks.

On Bookclub and Freedom

I was really thankful to start Juneteenth off with New York Writer’s Coalition’s Black Writers Program Juneteenth "Write-In". It was a wonderful opportunity to honor my writing practice, process my many feelings about the holiday (especially now that it’s a Federal holiday…), and reflect on freedom.

The session started with the facilitator reading this poem “Not Everything Is Sex” by Lauren Whitehead. We then had the opportunity to discuss what resonated with us most and then to choose from prompts inspired by the poem and holiday. I selected the prompt “You can’t tell me that’s not freedom.” My thoughts went to the freedom and the joy I feel with the ladies in my bookclub and the fact that that joy is based in a freedom that enslaved Africans were largely prohibited from doing.

In the Beforetimes, we would gather at someone’s house or cram into someone’s Bay Area-sized apartment ostensibly to discuss a book we’d read. We’d spread out in the homes of our friends for hours on end, yes, talking about books, but also:

Eating lovingly prepared food.

Eating thoughtfully purchased food.

Drinking wine.

Drinking more wine.

Reveling in each other’s brilliance.

Brainstorming solutions to colleagues’ microagressions.

Hyping people up for interviews away from aforementioned colleagues.

Recommending hairdressers.

Warning about hairdressers.

And more. 

Always more.

Gathering to celebrate an action previously prohibited to our beloved ancestors.

Gathering because there’s something magical when Black women come together for self-care and co-care.

Kiese asked, “Y’all risked it all for a bookclub?”

Yes. And you can’t tell me that’s not freedom.