What Michelle Taught Me

I originally wrote this in 2017 for the website Heard Tell. With Netflix ‘s release of Becoming , thought I’d reshare.

The last break up I experienced happened this past January. I’m still processing it.

The relationship started off slowly, cautiously even. To be honest, I was unsure if we could take it to the next level, but we did and for the most part enjoyed eight years. Alas, some relationships have a natural end-date in sight, whether it’s a romance ignited by graduation, study abroad, or term limits.

That’s how I think about my relationship to the Obama years, and more specifically with Michelle Obama.

For whatever your (imaginary) relationship with Michelle Obama was, for however she influenced your life, there’s an essay for you in The Meaning of Michelle: 16 Writers on the Iconic First Lady and How Her Journey Inspires Our Own edited by Veronica Chambers. This book, published in January 2017, shares 16 impressions of the myth, the woman, Michelle. I read it in March 2017, a mere few months after Former FLOTUS and POTUS took a well-deserved vacation to live their best lives. I initially read a review of it in The New York Times Book Review pre-Inauguration when I was probably still in the disbelief stage of grief. Not solely with the election results, or even with losing President Obama, but with the fact that Michelle, our Michelle, was leaving the White House stage after serving eight years.  One of the essayists stated it best: “I would argue that she represents at least 60 percent of what America will miss most about the Obama presidency.”

The polls back Rebecca up. I don’t know you or your political affiliation, but there’s a good chance you liked Michelle Obama. With a Gallup approval rating of 68% in January 2017, I feel pretty good about that statement.

Maybe you thought of her as someone who kept it real, while her husband kept it professorial.

Maybe she reminded you of your best friend, your mom, or your favorite aunt.

Maybe you liked that she made eating vegetables cool.

Maybe she inspired you to dress like you gave a damn.

In Michelle, I saw a woman who I could aspire to, but also relate to. She was beautiful and accomplished, poised, yet familiar, and yes, after a history of First Ladies (and Presidents) whose life experiences, let alone skintones, did not resonate with me, Michelle did. Before Michelle, my favorite first lady was Eleanor Roosevelt. She was a politician, diplomat, and activist in her own right at a time when women were relegated to the domain of the home exclusively. She is unique in history not only because of her husband’s historic campaigns and elections (twice), but because she went to the White House and made it her own, while also making it more ours.

What did I hope to gain from reading the book about Michelle at a time like this? A reprieve from reality? A chance to reminisce about the “good old days” when Michelle was still our First Lady? To be affirmed that although Michelle was magic, didn’t mean she was any less real (word to Jesse Williams!)? Maybe I wanted validation that my t-shirt with white lettering that simply reads, “Michelle Taught Me” wasn’t stupid or overly emotional.

I share Roxane Gay’s’ sentiment from her essay: “Whenever I think about Michelle Obama, I think, ‘When I grow up, I want to be just like her. I want to be that intelligent, confident, and comfortable in my own skin’.”

I admired how she seemed to bring her authentic self to whatever room she was in and decided that I, too, would and could do the same. The collection was cathartic as the authors reiterated some of the innate qualities that made Michelle so magical. It was like being in a support group for other broken hearts. While I think it’s too early to tell the impact that Michelle Obama has had on a macro level, I don’t think it’s too soon to reflect on how personal her impact felt at the individual level. Seeing her in the press and on the world stage for eight years mattered.

Phillipa Soo of Hamilton fame stated it perfectly, “The Obamas have shaped my journey as an adult in a profound way.” In her essay, appropriately titled “Best of Wives and Best of Women” she uses her insight playing Eliza Hamilton, Alexander Hamilton’s wife to argue for Michelle’s place in the pantheon of political wives. Like the essayists in the Meaning of Michelle collection, I loved the Michelle who was shared with the public and took from this presentation (as real as I believe and need it to be) lessons that I’m only beginning to reflect on. I saw how she supported President Obama throughout his presidency and used that as a model for being a good partner to my beau while he studied for the bar exam. From Charlaine McCray, First Lady of New York to Marcus Samuelsson, a guest chef at the White House, each essayist shares how they interpreted Michelle Obama. The common theme of all of the essays was that like a Rorschach Test, each author saw in Michelle what they wanted or needed to see. Some saw and highlighted her grace in the midst of partisan and sometimes racial criticism, others saw her as an inspiration to working moms, and others the culmination of our ancestors’ wildest dreams. The constant theme is that she meant so much to so many. Tiffany Dufu, one of the essayists, explains it this way,  “That is why she resonates. American society has a knack for punishing complex women. We like them to fit one mold. But because Michelle lives in the middle, no matter who you are when you look at her you see yourself.” She mattered internationally, but also intimately.

Similarly, at the end of a relationship, I want to know that it mattered. That I mattered in some way. That my time and energy and attention and hope and love, weren’t in vain. I want to see photos of Michelle and Barack on vacation and be able to smile wistfully and think of the good times. I want closure. For now, I’ll take solace in what she said in her own words in her last speech as FLOTUS that being our First Lady has been the “greatest honor” of her life … and that counts for something, doesn’t it?

“Living For The City”

“I hope you hear inside my voice of sorrow
And that it motivates you to make a better tomorrow
This place is cruel no where could be much colder
If we don't change the world will soon be over
Living just enough, stop giving just enough for the city”

-Living for the City x Stevie Wonder

The City We Became x N.K. Jemisin is a love letter to one of the greatest cities in the world (ask a New Yorker, they’ll tell you) and to the people and classes of people that make cities worth living in: creators, strivers, dreamers, doers, longterm residents, and those willing to fight for what they love. When I first heard about The City We Became, I was in no questions asked. I ordered the book a few weeks, months, years ago when shelter-in-place started for me and waited. 

I’ve found that so much of my experience in reading a book depends on when in my life I’m encountering it. By the time it arrived on my doorstep I had had several weeks of wondering what would become of my city and cities across the United States and around the world in the aftermath of quarantining and sheltering-in-place in the age of COVID-19. so this book hit different, as the kids say.

The premise is that cities are living, dynamic entities-anyone who lives in or has visited one probably knows and feels this to be true, but Jemisin works magic by looping us into a secret about how easy it is for the essence of cities to die. Our story starts with a Prologue by an unnamed character that was so potent I couldn’t help but be drawn in, rooting for this kid who is young and gifted and also poor and Black. He makes the acquaintance of an older guy who hips him to the fact that something strange is happening in New York and then we’re off to the races to save New York. We then meet people who are also living for the city. Our team of characters/boroughs are introduced in such an elegant way-beyond stereotypes or caricatures of the boroughs, Jemisin provides historical context and substance to explain how we’ve come to know Manny, Bronca, Brooklyn, Padmini, and Aislyn. 

The novel is a defiant allegory and for some it might feel too on the nose, but I think Jemisin’s prose keeps the story from being simplistic and the reader on their toes.

I don’t want to say much more because there’s so much delight and affirmation to be found in its pages. You have to experience it for yourself.

Who’s this story for? Me and you, your mama, and your cousin too. Seriously, if you’ve

• Ever visited the city that never sleeps or wanted to

• Known a New Yorker

• Thought about community building

• Protested against gentrification

• Feared that your city is losing its unique qualities

• Been craving a literary escape

If you haven’t read this book, stop, drop, turn around and patronize your favorite independent bookshop and buy the book.  Consider buying from Harriett’s Bookshop or The Booksmith. Once you receive your copy, do yourself a favor and listen to Stevie Wonder’s iconic song “Living for the City” before diving in. I think it’s a perfect complement to The City We Became.

Happy Reading!

Book club during the time of COVID-19

• March 11th was the last day I went into my office for work.

• March 13th my new Executive Director (of two weeks) stated we’d be working from home for the foreseeable future.

• March 14th ended up being my first virtual book club.

I’ve been in this book club for nearly two years and it’s one of my favorite things ever. I’ll forever be grateful to my friend who invited me. It’s often the highlight of my month and I always look forward to the rich conversation, the laughs, the food, and of course the hugs.

But what‘s a book club to do when it’s not prudent to meet in person?

We debated back and forth, consulted with the host, and ultimately decided we’d rather laugh about our overly cautious decision rather than regret what we should have done.

Here’s what we did:

1)    Set up the technology you need to succeed

I set up an email account for our book club and then a video conferencing account. It was important to me to not have limits on how long we could talk (when I first joined, book club was scheduled from 12 pm to 1 pm, now it’s a short session if we get out of there before 4 pm!) so a paid account was the way for us to go. By signing up for a paid video conferencing option, I extended an open invitation for the girls to use it for staying connected during a weird, scary time. Since then, we’ve had lunch dates, happy hours, and even a Quarantine Bingo night!

2)   Have a facilitator

Whether your book club is full of people who always read the book or those who come for the community and laughs, having a facilitator, especially during these Unprecedented Times might help the conversation flow. We’ve been starting off with a wellness check-in to see how everyone is doing, acknowledging that these are challenging times and sometimes you need to vent. Then we transition to the book and the fun commences.

3)  Be mindful of the books you select and maybe lower your expectations

Our first selection was a book that we had agreed upon in the Before Times, so that first meeting was easy peasy. Our second virtual book club? We chose the same book. Not everyone had finished it (there was a lot going on!) and we showed ourselves grace.

Our third selection? “Little Fires Everywhere”. People can either choose the book, the Hulu series, or both and participate in the conversation. These are weird/scary/unprecedented/choose your own adjective times. Some of the women in my group are moms, some work, and all of us are experiencing some level of stress because of this pandemic crisis. We essentially granted ourselves permission to take it easy.

Who knows what our Summer book pick will be, let alone external circumstances? I remain grateful to connect with these ladies whether it’s cramming into a Bay Area apartment or on a computer screen.

If you’re in a book club, how are y’all coping with These Times? Any tips to share?

“Book Club” Puzzle by Carolyn Suzuki

Of Books and Roses

Hello! Salut! Hola Alla!

Today is one of my favorite adopted holidays: Sant Jordi or Saint George’s Day.

This Catalan holiday is a celebration of literature and roses and can you think of anything better to celebrate? When I learned about this holiday from a friend from Barcelona in my early 20s I knew instantly that I’d learn more and start celebrating the day in my own way-by supporting my favorite independent bookstore (The Booksmith in San Francisco)!

So what’s the deal? Legend has it that Jordi (or George for English speakers) defeated a dragon that stayed bothering this one village who tried to appease it by sacrificing virgins (Yikes!). Jordi rolled through right before the village was going to sacrifice their latest virgin (who happened to be a princess?) and proceeded to slay the dragon, saved the princess, and the rest is history. (Historical Legend continues that The Princess and the entire population were converted to Christianity) Jordi became the Patron Saint of England and Catalonia (region of Spain that includes Barcelona). Sant Jordi is also the patron saint of Portugal, Venice, Beirut, Malta, Ethiopia, Georgia, Palestine, Serbia, and Lithuania.

During the 15th century, men would give a rose to the woman they loved on 23 April (Sant Jordi) became a tradition in Catalonia. In the 1920s giving a book to the men you love was added. 

Due to the global pandemic and people (rightfully!) staying home, in-person celebrations have been postponed to July 23, but if you’re interested in learning more or celebrating online check out the Books and Roses website for great resources or check out the hashtags #SantJordiAlsBalcons, #LibresALAire, and #BooksandRoses.

If you need something to celebrate (and who doesn’t during these dark times), join me, Catalan, and 50 countries in celebrating this day. 

May you have books and roses and a little bit of joy during these wild times.

Recipe Recommendation: Romesco Sauce

So I just so happened to have red peppers that needed to be used up and almonds at the same time and I’ve always wanted to make this sauce and now proved the right time. Romesco (Catalan pronunciation: [ruˈmɛsku]) is a sauce that originated from Valls, Tarragona, Catalonia and it goes great with fish (👀 especially canned fish), just bread, or anything. I used this recipe from Bon Appetit and it’s been great. Enjoy it on Sant Jordi or any other day! Bona gana! (Bon Appetit!)