«Not with a bang with a whimper»
I’m not a big New Year girlie.
I find it to be an overrated holiday that inevitably leads to disappointment-the expectations are too high and so are the costs. One exception was a New Year Eve wedding I attended nearly a decade ago that remains undefeated in terms of joy and the other was when my friends and I were in Paris and rushed to see the Eiffel Tower, expecting fireworks or razzmatazz, and being greeted with mere lights. Fun Fact: If you’re looking for NYE fireworks in Paris, gotta go to L’Arc de Triomphe. Fireworks at the Tour Eiffel? Bastille Day.
I prefer to spend the holiday at home, eating a good meal, doing a tarot pull, being moody and reflective, and going to sleep. Sometimes waiting to greet the new year, sometimes, simply going to sleep when I want.
This year, the anxiety of a domestic election year mixed with a seemingly deteriorating global order were enough to make me want to head nod the new year and not expect too much.
2024 started not with a bang, but a whimper.😔 With me testing positive for COVID-19 for the first time all ephing pandemic. I’ve been dodging this shit like Lil Kim, but alas.
Lil Kim.
Despite doing my part to be vaccinated and boosted for the gawds and continuing masking AND the U.S. being in the second largest surge since the pandemic began, I can’t help but feel bad for myself and ashamed. Days of looking up at my ceiling and feeling sorry for myself resulted in reminding myself that diseases aren’t punishments, bodies are vulnerable and fallible, and realizing there’s still a few things I need to unpack and unlearn about health, illness, and the like.
I’m blessed in a lot of ways:
1) This illness happened while I was off work and not before my holiday trip.
2) My spouse and I have an apartment that allowed me to quarantine at home. I’m so grateful this was a logistical nuisance instead of a real challenge.
3) I had insurance (necessary to say the way the U.S. handles insurance is a moral, logical, and economic failing) and was able to get medicine to help shorten my symptoms.
So what do you do when the year doesn’t start the way you plan?
I gave into my boredom and succumbed to my humanness and just chilled the eph out. I remembered that adult coloring book phase I had along with the rest of the world, started and finished a great book (review coming), and watched a lovely movie. I didn’t do any of my normal rituals, except my Black eyed peas and greens, because duh, and that has to be okay.
Despite it’s start, which technically started the last day of 2023, I’m choosing to be grateful for the slow start to the year and reminding myself that the Gregorian calendar don’t run shit around here. Each day is an opportunity to choose and change or reflect and remain. #bars.